So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
