If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
