We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
