I never want to see another naked old woman again.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
