I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I had to cum in my sink.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
