Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
