woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
