if you like me you must not know who I am
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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