I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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