my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
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