So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Randomize
