ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
