The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
