You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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