If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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