I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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