Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
