I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
