I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
