i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
