I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
