Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I am available for nakedness
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
