no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
