So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
