Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
