Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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