You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
