Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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