The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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