Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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