Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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