I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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