I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
the condom got lost in my hair
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
