dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
