my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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