You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
