Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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