My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
