So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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