Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
