Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
