I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
