every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Someone came in the potted fern
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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