Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
