he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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