Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
