A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
