They should really pass out barf bags in church
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
