I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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