Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
