I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
