all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My vagina is officially offended.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
